The Return of Zydrunas Ilgauskas!

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• Steve Kerr is talking about the Miami Heat like he’s got $150,000 on them to win. Oh, and a sniper target on his youngest daughter’s head. “I believe I injured it in a boaking accident!”

• “We’re seeing some nice moves from Juwan Howard tonight.” Rory: There’s a line we haven’t heard in a while!

• After this LBJ performance, Rory’s fantasy team is now crushing me this week. D’oh?

• We have an Ericka Dampier sighting!

• Nah uh! You can’t talk to Boobie like that! — Boobie Gibson talking in the 3rd person

• Leave Erik Spoelstra alone!!! — TNT Crew

• Exchange.

Fah Daddy: Green Hornet hardees commercial. Vomit has been induced.
Bogey Baby: I saw that too! I didn’t know they still did that crap!
Fah Daddy: Yeah. I thought it was reserved for major summer movies
Bogey Baby: I thought it was reserved for 1993!
Fah Daddy: Ooooooh snap

• If the Cavs score 4 quick points — and the Heat turn the ball over 11 straight times — they could be in this!

• I’ve been told the Boston comment wasn’t heavy in regional dialect. I’m fucking sorry, assholes!!!

• Brad Bogner is iPad.

• The characters in THE FIGHTER sound totally more legit than the people in THE TOWN! (Imaginary conservations between Bostonians)

• Steve Kerr: Man, for Byron Scott’s Cavaliers team — it’s going to be really tough to beat teams that score more points than you.

• Ricky: Thats the last time i eschew an nfl game for anything else on TV. (Eschew!)

• Derrick: Brad, let me tell you something…the Scottie Pippen chant did not work.

• S2da: This Kinect game where you kill John Lennon is in really poor taste.

• Spoelstra wants LeBron to sit the bench the entire 4th quarter, only for James to refuse to come out. A boy can dream! (Imaginary Controversies)

• More Fah Daddy: I watched 5 seconds of it and it was like Lex Luthor had put a necklace of kryptonite on me.

• Fah Daddy: Lebrons headband no longer fits due to enlarged ego.

• Rory and I agree that if the Cavs come back from this current 31 point deficit late in the 3rd — greatest basketball game ever. (Hypothetical Statements)

• Steve Nash Tweet: Hey Cleveland! How pumped are you for the Phoenix/Golden State game tonight? /Peter King’d

• Delusional Cleveland fans after tonight’s game. 

• Reggie Miller on highlights of his demise against the Knicks: No! Waaaa! Stop showing it!
Reggie Miller on Cleveland fans pissed at LeBron: Y’know, like omg y’all, just get over it!

God. Never hated a Bruin so much before.

• Hey Drunk Cleveland Fan(s) in Stands: Who wants to be on the local news by running onto the court and pushing LBJ?

• Don’t fret people. We still got 18 minutes of basketball left!

• Zodiac Motherfucker re: country banning Four Loko: WHAT A NATION OF PUSSIES WE LIVE IN

• A lot of people love when Marv Albert says “For three — YES!” But when he drops the “It counts!” on an And-1 play is better.

• That’s the Carlos Arroyo I remember!

• Joey Graham looks like Brian Cook. (Fun Facts)

• In the immortal words of Dave Attell, ending this game right now is on the top of “Mount Should Be.”

• Why is Bosh trying to take charges up 25? GOD, NOBODY LIKES YOU!!!

• 30% chance Cleveland fans start throwing debris on the court in the next 120 seconds. It can’t come soon enough!

• Exchange.

Bogey Baby: Hey, only down 15!
Rory: 25.
Bogey Baby: WHAT!?!?

• Hey, guys. I’m James L. Brooks! Remember me?

• Pft. Michael Jackson: The Experience? I’ll stick with Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker on Sega Genesis thank you very much!

• What do the Cleveland Cavaliers and CBS comedies have in common? Fat audiences.

• Reggie Miller just gave MySpace a shout-out.

• Byron Scott, Dirty Quote Machine: Make them feel you!

• Can someone tell me the score of the NFL game? I’d look it up myself, but — y’know!

• Man, am I legally obligated to continue writing about this game? THIS ISN’T WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR! /Gary Payton’d

• Craig Sager is dressed like he’s going to church. Which for every other male in this country is like getting dressed up for an A-ha concert.

• Dammit, Barkley. Where was this energy on Conan’s show earlier this week? You FUCK.

• Commissioner David Stern just went up to all the TNT commentators just now “You fucking tell these viewers the Cavaliers can come back — YOU HEAR ME!?!?”

• Ratings will be decent because only 47 people get the NFL Network.

• I have to admit, these TNT ads are starting to get to me. I’m finally excited for the late night host who I’ve been following for 17 years doing a show tonight!

• If Joel Anthony shoots free throws, does a TNT camera make a move?

• It doesn’t take much for people to make a Benedict Arnold comparison these days.

• If I was in Cleveland, I’d be slow-clapping the shit out of the Cavs.

• We dive on the floor for balls we have no chance at getting cause we have heart! — Deluded Cleveland fans

• Spoiler Alert: This game is FUCKING terrible. Holy Shit.

• Man. I just love it when my friends and I are shootin’ the shit. Drinking some Bacardi Gold. You know, the usual.

• Do you love basketball? Here’s a bunch of fuckin’ ads with fathers and sons playing baseball!

• That show that used to be on NBC is now available for your viewing pleasure on TNT. You’re welcome?

• If the Heat win the NBA Finals, Spoelstra will definitely run on the court looking for someone to hug a la Jimmy V.

• Time for a Rally Headband?

• I’m smarter than Byron Scott! — Fan who watched a heavily edited 7 second clip and surmises his own talent

• “Buy A-Team on DVD, and you know. It’d be nice if you could watch the NBA on TNT.”

• I’m starting to realize why Jordan punched out Kerr in practice…

• I agree with Steve Kerr. This game is EXACTLY like Princeton v. North Carolina.

• Derrick re: Jason Statham preview: Close enough it’s called, I shit you not, The Mechanic.

• Oh shit! It’s that Jason Statham movie where he plays that guy!

• Steve Kerr: It’s not fair the Heat have so many shitty players!

• When LeBron’s not on the court — everyone should be asking, “Where’s LeBron?”

• American audiences re: Reggie Miller available here. 

• LBJ sitting out to start the 2nd quarter. Bosh! Varajao! Catch it!

• Derrick: Are the Men of a Certain age too old to be on TV? Just right for basic cable?

• 54 LBJ related tweets per minute. Narcissist.

• Oh shit! It’s that new Johnny Depp movie where he plays that guy!

• Four point plays definitely get my dick hard.

• We have a Juwan Howard sighting. #ImportantNews

• “The simple joys — a McCafe!” How shitty does your life have to be for that to be accurate? Oh, right. Sports telecast!


• S2da: Apple says releasing music that’s 50 years old and that everyone already has will be a day I’ll never forget?

• Nice pass, asshole!

• If you get swept in the NBA Finals, does it count as an appearance?

• I’ve made it this far without a Comic Sans reference. HOW LONG CAN I GO!?!?

• “E tu, Zydrunas?” — Spoelstra’s final words to the team after they’ve pulled the knife out of his back. In the locker room? Yeah. We’ll go with the locker room.

• Poor Antawn Jamison. Let’s buy him a present!

• Hmm, yep. Chris Bosh is still a horrible, horrible, horrible sack of shit.

• What’s great about tonight is the fact it’s not another opportunity for the Lakers to lose a basketball game.

• Just saw photos of the new chick from “Mad Men” naked!

• “Yeah! Time to get my dick wet!” — Byron Scott in the postgame press conference

• Would you rather there be no Mo Williams or no glitter in the world? I’m going with the latter in a close contest!

• LBJ is getting his Nike pals to hide footage of that posterization.

• Calling a timeout at home in the first minute. This bodes well for Byron Scott’s squad!

• LBJ doing that thing that KG does. That he took from Reggie Miller. It’s pretty dumb.

• The Imperial Death March is playing over the Heat introductions. I’m guessing this is an ode to Irvin Kershner’s passing earlier this week?

• R. Lee Ermey finally gets a Best Supporting Oscar when he plays an emotionally charged step-father devastated that his daughter died in a car accident via a drunk driver (Movies That Will Never Happen).

• Kenny and Barkley are arguing over some stupid and poorly crafted analogy. I want Bones back!

• Fan T-Shirt: The Lyin’ King

• Some of these signs look like they were done by children. /Factory Town’d

• Get the door — it’s Dominos! No, seriously. We got Dominos here, sorry I wasn’t able to post my Status Update as per usual.

• They are chanting “Asshole!” at Quicken Loans Arena. I know this cause a dude said so on Bleacher Report.

• NBA Online Store e-mails me 5,000 times a fucking week. I try and unsubscribe and they tell me my e-mail is in a “bad format.” Crafty!

• NBATV, TNT, ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNews — nobody has a pregame show. I don’t have a joke.

• “Fuck this! I’m watching the NFL game.” — 99% of male audience

• Does every fan of the show have to start with the disclaimer “I know this is going to sound crazy — but I really enjoy Bones!”

• Great pregame entertainment. 

• We’re enjoying TNT’s coverage so far. BONES RERUNS!

• Unaffiliated Cavs group providing “Coordinated Chants” for tonight’s game that can be seen here – What’s the point of bragging about being classy? I want people calling some motherfuckers out in the most vile way possible! Especially if they’re holding an 18 month old in one hand, and a Budweiser in the other.

• Norm MacDonald: Magic Johnson wrote a book about AIDS Prevention. Chapter One: Don’t have sex with me.

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